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  • Tristan J. Miller

A quick guide to industry terms

“A good friend of mine” - we’ve never met

”I’ll email you soon!” - leave me alone

”We’ll get you in the next show!” - I almost remember you

“A good buddy of mine” - Someone I met twice

”I know them a bit.” - I cornered them in an elevator

“We‘ve worked together.” - They did my podcast

”Listen to your gut.“ You have bad taste and I can’t change that

“Just keep going!” - I hope you give up soon so I can take over your job

”Oh, I know them a little.” - We have made love five times, two of which were in public

“Sure, I can speak to that.” - I’m great at improv

“I trained at ___” - I took one course and didn’t show up to half of the classes

”This is very good work.” - I hope you forget you wrote this so I can steal it

“I want to congratulate you on your success!” - Please tell me how you got so I can have it too

”You’ve been working really hard!” - I haven’t seen you in nine months

“I’ve been mostly producing my own stuff.” - I produce my own farts as I watch Star Trek for the seventh time

“I’m classically trained.” - I did a singular Shakespeare play in high school

“I’m working on a new hour of stand up.” - I go to open mics twice a month

“Sometimes you gotta role with the punches!” - I’m depressed

”It’s all about the long game.” - I’ve stopped caring, I’ve never cared, oh God, I just wanted attention and now I owe the government so much money

”I’m happy to give you notes!” I will rewrite your script and not understand it

”I really believe in you!” - I hope someday you will give me a job

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