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  • Tristan J. Miller


It’s been three years since carrie died.

She has been one of the biggest influences in my life vis a vis artists that I’ve never met. At the premiere of Bright Lights, a documentary about the Fisher family, she looked at me and we shared a moment. I laughed too loudly at something she said and covered my mouth. She looked at me and did the same. I think about that moment a lot, how generous she was. It’s a level of generosity that I aspire to. Generosity is perhaps the easiest was, sans complaining, to bond with someone.

I also recently learned, because of Todd Fisher’s book My Girls, that just before this moment she had just finished crying because of the content of the documentary. There was a scene where she speak with her dying father, Eddie Fisher, and is totally vulnerable. In that moment she is a scared, little girl wanting the love and approval of her father.

This upset her. It’s understandable.

🎵it’s understandable 🎵

Despite her discomfort with it, her legacy has become one of strength in vulnerability. That those two things are in fact not antithetical. That to be frightened and to continue one is, in fact, the definition of bravery and strength.

She had a complicated life. She was hot-headed, insecure, joyous, generous, talented, drug addled, loving, quiet, witty, rollicking, full of contradictions, and in short, a full human being; and we love her for it.

Her honesty and integrity about who she was, despite her not enjoying the fact she was Carrie sometimes, is something towards which we all should strive.

She inspires me to be myself from accepting my diagnosis of the same condition with which she lived. She inspires me to write, to joke, and to give to others.

She did so much for others, a lot of which was barely documented. She let recovering addicts stay in her guest house and room, she spoke out about mental health conditions, and she gave generous and thoughtful gifts to personal friends.

While I was watching the latest Star Wars picture, when she came on screen, I made the realization, that I don’t miss Leia, I miss Carrie.

I know a lot of people love Leia, and that she means a lot of things to a lot of people. But, I’ve always loved the woman who played her more than e character herself.

Carrie for her entire life had difficulty believing that people really loved her; and not Leia or the expectations people place upon her.

But, I know that I, and many others, love and deeply miss her, Carrie, a beautiful, talented, and complicated woman.

If you’re going to participate in some sort of remembrance for her today, I recommend borrowing and HBO account and watching wishful drinking, her one woman show, or Bright Lights, or picking up one of her books, or watching her interviews with Craig Ferguson. I believe that these are the most clear and emblematic picture we’ll get if Carrie Frances Fisher.

“If my life wasn’t funny, it’d just be true and that, is unacceptable.”

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